The Wildflower Tribe

There was a time in the 90’s when I was a “Goth.” I dyed my hair black, painted my nails black, wore dark makeup and black lipstick, read lots of Poe and Ann Rice, listened to Skinny Puppy and The Cure, wore black velvet skirts with Doc Martens, frequented a nightclub called “Soil” and a coffee shop called “Lestat’s.” When I wasn’t “dressed up” I dressed down in black jeans, flannels and alternative band t-shirts.

I painted myself up to both hide who I was and show who I was. I know it sounds confusing, but it’s the truth. I was hurting inside from a lot of things. I was depressed and scared. I wanted love and acceptance but I felt weird and angry most of the time. Dressing up “Goth” was the presentable side of my depression. It was my way to billboard that the world had hurt me. I felt like an outcast, so I made myself into the outcast I felt like. In a weird way I was making people earn their way to me by making them have to see past the black lipstick and constant scowl I wore.

I was looking for a “tribe” rather than wanting to blend in with the masses. Nowadays it looks a little different. As an adult woman there are different tribes we value, but it’s maybe less about looks and more about our stations in life. It becomes about whether or not we have kids, what age the kids are and what activities they do, whether or not we home-school or work outside the home. We have an unfortunate tendency to most value the people who are most like us.

The beauty of church family is that God shuffles the deck and piles us all together right next to each other. He makes us a new kind of tribe. He says, “look at how beautiful all of my daughters are!” Rather than a dozen identical long stem roses we are a bouquet of wildflowers!

Could you imagine how terribly boring the world would be if everyone was the same? The goal is not to love people who are just like me, but to recognize and celebrate the work of God in each one of us. We must love each other without conditions. We are all being transformed into the image of Christ, but we are all in different stages of that transformation. Can a dark little gothic girl be an image of Christ? Why not? After all, Jesus wept.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.” Romans 12:15-16

Unfortunately, in some churches, women behave like Rachel and Leah, and men behave like Jacob and Esau, competing for God’s affection and criticizing each other for their inadequacies. We all probably have at least one experience of being snubbed, cold shouldered, or getting looked past by someone we wanted to get to know or someone we thought of as a great woman or man of God.

All I can say is that grace goes both ways. If you’ve treated someone poorly, repent. If you’ve been treated poorly, forgive. It takes a lot of time, effort, grace, and compassion to build deep gospel relationships in a church community. You might need to look past the makeup or messy bun, or ignore the hair dye or grey hair, or see beyond the suit and tie or tattoos and ripped jeans. We are the tribe of Christ and we should be taking better care of each other than any other tribe on the planet.

Jesus said to his disciples, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

So be brave. Pick a wildflower! Ask for that coffee date. Invite people over, yes, even if your house is messy. Just kick the toys aside or sit out on the patio. Friendship and love are more important than dog hair and dust.